This sudden parting and distance that lies between the place we called home and the people we love feels like a harsh separation. At times, it even feels like a banishment. I wonder what God’s doing. Turning towards Him, I abandon all common politeness or pretence and, in misery, rail against Him. My words run their course, ending as abruptly as they began and bring me to the realisation that this separation is no rebuke or punishment but a gentle discipline.

              Acknowledgement of the reality of this situation moves me forward. God is ordering my steps. Eyes opened, I accept the truth that uncertainties pressurise me, bringing with them a rush of panic that simply reveals the contents of my heart. It is not attractive. Distress, doubt and sin spill out, shaking my trust in our ever-faithful God. This is a humbling experience.

              Yet, beneath the pain, an inkling grows. God knows what He is doing. He knows me to the very core of my being and beyond. He knows all my secret thoughts. Nothing escapes His eye. He also knows how to stretch and mature my indigent faith.

              This dislocation and rootlessness steers me to prayer. ‘Lord. . . help!’ Simple heart-felt words, heard and answered by God with comfort and the gentle reassurance that I belong to Him. I adjust my thinking, committing my ways to Him again and placing my trust in Him, confident that He will answer my cry for help.

              He alone is my Saviour and my salvation. I will pursue His way. As I step forward, a quiet thought, unbidden, enters my mind, reminding me that God will not come in the way I imagine or want. Rather He will gently bring my desire into line with His will and what He is going to do.

              Vision reorientated, I glimpse exotic new buds amongst the dereliction of this world. God’s sovereignty and power are at work in the unexpected places of pain and destruction. His greatness and glory rise above the dust and rubble of war, disaster and the devastation of sin. My breath catches in my throat. This is beautiful. He is breathing new life into the shattered lives of those who call upon Him.

              God is reminding me that my distress is temporary and that it is an opportunity. I have a choice, to draw closer to Him or to pull away. By His grace, I draw closer. Again, He quietly reiterates His point, I must not try and manipulate circumstances to fit my longings, but rather allow Him to mould me further to His best and graceful way and will.

‘May His kingdom come; May His will be done; on earth as it is in heaven.’

© copyright Gillian Newham 2023