‘What do you want to leave behind?’ a friend asked right in the middle of a busy period of conferences, forums and discussions. Although she could have been referring to anything, we knew what she was referring to. It’s a question that we considered many times, but just at that moment we didn’t have time to answer. We were moving at pace, admittedly no longer at the forefront but standing behind, watching as our Mongolian friends fulfilled their vocation. It was and is exciting and deeply satisfying to see them lead with confidence and maturing ability.

              Stepping back for a moment and thinking about what we’d like to leave behind, or perhaps what we’d like our legacy to be, takes us back to basics. While it is encouraging to see Christians engaged in fruitful ministry, our primary prayer is that Christians here might have an ongoing desire for intimacy with God. Not that we are planning on leaving tomorrow, I hasten to add.

Our prayer might sound super spiritual or perhaps over-simplistic but personal experience tells me it’s easier to be busy doing things than to be still before God, easier to trust in my own wisdom, resources and strength than to let go and trust in another. And even easier to crowd my life with service that doesn’t flow from the heart of my relationship with God.

To stop and humbly let go of my preconception that says, ‘I know’ and admit that I don’t know, takes courage. It is a struggle, a wrestling back and forth with God and self until my illusions are exposed, along with the dangers and abjectness of my heart. I call on Him in times of trouble and need but when all is well my voice can become tinged with pride. God must reawaken me to Himself, so that my focus is Him, not self, not busyness, just Him.

To do this, I must make space, beyond the noisy activity, to create a quiet heart that grows in trusting God. A heart that observes what, in the rush of activity, I tend to dash passed: the extraordinary amid the ordinary. A heart that catches glimpses of God’s perspectives, His love for people and His compassion that seeks to redeem us so that He might have a relationship with us.

Too many times I focus on the results of my efforts rather than taking time to understand God more fully and submit to Him. I marvel at what He has done for me and for us. I am awed by what He calls me to do: to anchor my life in Him, abide in Him and His word, and let His truth penetrate the illusions that fill my life.

But I cannot do it alone. My self-improvement efforts are disastrous. Only by the power of the Holy Spirit, through submission to God and prayerful dependence on Him, can He accomplish such Christ-like growth in me. It takes constant humility to come close and ask, and yet it deepens my love for God and compassion for others which in turn energises my mission. Ministry, or service, (as the Mongolians say,) for God is born out of our love for Him not out of obligation or indebtedness. And love that longs for a life-long deepening intimacy with Him, is the heartbeat of our mission and service.

© copyright Gillian Newham 2022