Tricky conversations, challenging situations, friends who are sick, family members who are struggling, not to mention the uncertainties and doubts that plague my own mind, leave me, time without number, overtaken with worries. Like a huge weight that appears on my doorstep, larger than life, worry consumes my view, diminishing my world to a narrow, cramped corridor.

Of course, I come to God full of need, crying out for help, begging Him for wisdom and He is ever faithful in answering my prayers. But in the all the wrestling I sometimes forget to lift my eyes and focus on the vastness of the horizon, the loftiness of His heavens and the huge expanse of the oceans.

Feelings and emotions side-track me. I let busy days, talking with friends, Zoom meetings, writing, cooking meals and doing the laundry, keep me on the run. There is nothing wrong with being busy, but sometimes the busyness conceals my desire to control, to understand God, to explain who He is and what He’s doing when I don’t really know.

I need God, certainly in the big things of life, but there are some things, let’s be honest, I can practically manage by myself: I can do God’s work for Him. But, before I know it, the day has gone, the sun set and the moon risen, and I’ve forgotten that the God who fills the skies and illuminates the earth, is the one in whom everything begins and ends.

Doubts, uncertainties and unanswered questions remain but, before I let my mind spiral out of control as I try and fix my world, I must stop and worship Him; worship Him for who He is.

Shifting my focus changes my perspective, reminding me that I belong to Him, He has chosen me and He has not set me free to find my own way. This simple, yet profound truth revives my flagging soul. God has adopted me into His family, and in every detail, I am to live a life purposed by Him. He alone provides me with the boundaries that lead to my destination.

I must accept that I live with uncertainties, that I live in a mystery that is huge. God is above and below, before and after all, the beginning and the end. Realising this humbles me. I know so little of Him and His workings. Words of protest, disagreement and worldly wisdom fade, I can only come before Him with open hands and worship. In worship I receive what I could never have imagined, God simply delights in me.

He is lavish with His grace and blessing and, through my relationship with Christ, God leads me in His light. As He gathers the fragmented, dismembered parts of my life into His Son, I begin to assimilate and digest truth. My relationship with Christ brings me into the mystery of God and I am content not to have answers to all my questions. Little by little I am learning – truly knowing a thing comes only as I am in relationship with a person.

My eyes rise to the grandeur of the Creator in His creation, my lips sing of His bright glory. Keeping my sights fixed on Him and not the obstacles that seek to block my view, He enables me to live the resurrection life in His body.

© copyright Gillian Newham 2021