We had a plan. God had given us a sense of what we should we do, where we should be working and with whom. If you’d have asked us we’d have said we were relying on the Lord to fulfil His plan but in our mind’s eye we had some ideas ourselves on how we were going to reach the goals we had set.

And then last summer my health started deteriorating. I’d been struggling with niggling things, which the doctors could neither fully identify nor cure, for the last couple of years but last year these symptoms seemed to escalate to the point where I was getting weaker and thinner and couldn’t think clearly. At the time it was alarming but thankfully a consultant in Beijing thought it might be ceoliac disease and tested me. The results came back positive.

It was a relief to have an answer and to know that I wasn’t going mad just yet. I merrily embarked on a gluten-free diet which immediately dealt with some of my symptoms although I had no idea how restrictive such a diet would be.

After returning from Thailand we cleared the kitchen of gluten flours and sauces and before I knew it I was sick again. Realising how sensitive I was to gluten products I began asking God what was going on. “Hadn’t He called us to live and work in Mongolia? Didn’t He know how hard it is to visit Mongolian families and not eat their food? Would they understand if I turned up with my own box of food?” And so the questions went on.

It felt awkward and strange. We were checking the ingredient labels on every product in the supermarket. I was drawing attention to myself and, not wanting to get sick again, I was becoming self-absorbed. This illness felt like it was curbing my ministry.

Then a thought quietly entered my mind; is this illness a way for me to get to know God better? Can I draw closer to Him in a way that I’ve never done before? If so then I do not want to waste this opportunity to grow.

But how do I glorify God in the restrictions?

I asked myself whether I was willing to lay my desire for full-health at Jesus’ feet and even whether I was willing to surrender my perceived ideas about ministry for the sake of knowing Christ better. I easily answered yes but in reality I’ve had to wrestle to truly obey and follow.

Paul tells the Romans that God works all together for good to those who love Him. I take comfort from that verse.

In centring my life on Jesus I find peace and realise that I obey God because of who He is and not for my own sake. In the dimness of my understanding I seek Him and understand a little more of His love and care; and by His grace something is growing stronger on the inside of me as I realise that He is sovereign in all situations.

God can and will bring glory to Himself but what does He require of me? I must maintain my love for Him, keeping my eye fixed on Him even when I think my limitations curb my ministry. I must not be taken up with myself, or even worship God thinking that I will get something out of it, but rather trust God because He is God: recognising that He is the one with the plan and I am the one who needs to follow.