When God spoke to Abraham instructing him to leave his home and go to a place that God would later show him, Abraham went. It’s a story I’ve read a thousand times, yet still I marvel at Abraham’s faith and trust in God. So often when God asks me to take a step of faith, I do it but then find myself hankering for more detail, which God rarely, if ever, gives. Instead, His call is for us to walk by faith with His son.

Walking a new, uncharted path is naturally unfamiliar and uncomfortable. There are still moments when God seems absent, and I wonder what He is doing. At such times, I cry to Him for help, reminding myself that I need to seek to discern His presence in places where I do not expect Him to be. Maybe this is basic, but for me it is an ongoing deepening of truth learned. Slowly my befuddled thoughts and fears clear, as I realise that I don’t always understand the discipline of keeping my eyes on God. Thankfully, He brings me to my senses, enabling me to trust Him as He continues shaping my life.

My prayer always brings the simplest, most fundamental truth to my heart: I am loved by God. I am anchored in Him. Striving ceases and I relax, allowing His Spirit to enable me to become attentive to His presence.

Graciously, God illuminates the ways in which I have been living outside His will. Unconsciously, definition of who I am came to depend on what I did and the possessions I had. Now that they are gone, I’ve felt lost. I’ve told God, but He has been silent to my petitions. I implored Him; surely, I was best placed to determine what would lead to my happiness. But I was wrong!

Then His love begins to overshadow my imperfections and imperfect love for Him. Frustrations and impatience abate. My gaze is no longer fastened on myself, my shortcomings or my surroundings.

God reminds me that my identity or contentment is not based on what I have or don’t have, where I live or don’t, or even what others think of me. Who I am and what I do is only truly fulfilled in a growing relationship with Him. God’s salvation is at work in me, making whole what is broken. He is redeeming and reforming my heart and mind, allowing me to be more the person He designed me to be. How important it is to know Him, but also to know myself, my weaknesses, vulnerabilities and my utter need of Him.

This journey is slow. I get impatient! Why aren’t things clear? And God in his infinite wisdom poses questions, ‘Do you trust me? Will you walk with me?’  He has had to ask me the same questions many times. Despite my stumbling, I know there is only one answer: Yes! Nothing else matters, true fulfilment is found in Him alone. He seeks me, my heart is open, I desire to know Him more deeply. This desire is the result of His Spirit at work in me. I begin afresh to see His heart for others, and I answer, ‘Lord, give me grace to follow.’

© copyright Gillian Newham 2024