I’ve seen it before: the trembling lips, ashen face, wringing of hands and the visible pulse throbbing in their necks. People are afraid, and to be honest, there’s plenty to be afraid of. Businesses are going bankrupt, people have lost their jobs and prices are soaring. Families in debt find the debt collectors knocking at their doors and, worst of all, illness seems just a heartbeat away.

Fear is everywhere, I know because I’ve felt it too. Not the sort which demands instant action to save, then calms returns when the danger passes, but that non-specific, undefined kind that diffuses greyness across my being. It is like the cold unending drizzle on an English winter’s day; drab, persistent and keeping me locked up inside. I can’t always put my finger on what causes it, but I recognise it goes down to the roots of my being, making me feel like my soul is being eaten away, leaving me agitated, restless and scared.

Have I again put my security in temporal things, built my identity on a flimsy foundation that is liable to collapse at any moment? Or have I sought approval from man, serving people rather than serving God. How many times do I have to learn that I am not the one called to control my life or its circumstances? Countless times it seems. Oh, just let me slink away and hide in a dark corner where I can let my doubts that God will not rescue me fester and grow.

But God is having none of my stubborn disobedience. He speaks gently to my soul, reminding me that He is the lifter of my head, the one in whom my confidence must be. There is love in His voice, but there is firmness too. He will not permit me to hide away. He calls me to face my fears, doubts and dangers, along with all life’s uncertainties and ambiguities, and simply walk with Him.

I take one step and then another. Seeking to obey His word, I do the next thing that is at hand and then the next. Circumstances don’t change; confusion and doubts remain, but something else is happening. My head held high; I see the needs of others. Fear had kept my head down, kept my eye on myself, keeping me in the dark where I processed my negatives.

I can’t deal with my fears alone, I need God and I need other people too. Loving them takes my mind away from self. I walk with questions unanswered, aware that there is still room for fear but knowing that God covers my heart, mind and soul with His protection. He gives me quiet confidence in Him and His word. But that sense of wellbeing only comes as I walk with Him in community with others and upon reflection, realise that He has removed and healed me of those fears.

© copyright Gillian Newham 2022